Life coach and author Teejay Dowe explains you should remain faithful to who you are, and not live life the way you think you should be.

Remember when you were five years old and people would ask you: “What do you want to be when you grow up?” They allowed you to dream of being a doctor or a nurse, a policeman/woman or a fire fighter, an astronaut or a teacher, a writer or a circus performer – who knows! You could be anything – you were allowed to have your own expectations back then.

And then off you go to school and it begins…the layering of other people’s expectations of you and on you begin to build. The process of accepting and living up to expectations that were never your own, that you may never have really wanted and didn’t know you could object to, and that you never actually chose for yourself. You most likely heard about what was expected of you so often that you began to believe that that was what you needed to do or become in this life as if you did choose it!

• Parents who meant well wanted you to be the person they did not become, do the things they didn’t get to do, have more than they had, be more than they were. Yikes!
• Teachers expected you to learn at a certain pace, to grasp so many new concepts, to do well at all subjects. ‘You gotta get good grades to get to university to get a good job’…..sowing the seeds of academic competition and the fears of the consequences of not doing well. Gulp!
• Peer pressure mounted as you found your circle of friends and needed so much to fit in that you did things, said things and maybe even wore things that were really not you. Gotta be in the ‘In-Crowd’
• You watched the adverts, saw the TV programmes, read the magazine ads that portray perfect people with dream lives and you got the impression that that’s how life should be – be smart, beautiful and demanding of others the world will be at your feet. Ouch!
• As you got older you took on the additional roles of parent and carer, employee or boss, aunt/uncle, husband/wife, and attempt to live up to the great expectations of every single role all at the same time. You began the art of juggling and the pressure mounted as perfection set in.

It happens so subtly and so gradually throughout your life that you hardly notice each one of someone else’s expectations adding another layer and wonder why life starts to feel like hard work as you continually carry around the burden and you feel weighed down by life.

Stop! Take a step back and start to question – Who am I really? Am I living up to my own expectations or those of the people around me?  Often you believe things simply because some one said it so many times you accepted it as a truth but it doesn’t make it so!  You have a choice! If it feels bad being you right now, the chances are that’s because you are not being who you really are.

Now is the time to set your own standards so that you can be sure that you are living up to your own expectations from now on. How do you do that? Take a few minutes to write down every thing that you believe about yourself as a parent and carer, employee or boss, aunt/uncle, husband/wife, son/daughter, friend, student etc. In all of those roles we have. Who are you emotionally and in your values too?

Next ask ‘Is that something I chose or did someone else give me that identity?’ Cross out all of the things that you did not choose and do not want to be from now on. Leave everything that you love about you and that you are choosing to be true and add to it. Add to it all the things that are great about you that you haven’t thought about or acknowledged for a long time. Things like: ‘Im funny, caring, generous, creative, determined, loving, honest etc.’

The two most powerful words in the English language are “I AM” – they dictate your identity and the unconscious mind has no choice but to be congruent with the identity or the “I am’s” that you give it. Give yourself the gift of the ‘I am’s’ that you choose. Write your new identity out and keep it with you. Begin the day reading it and imagining it is you and notice how great it feels as you begin to be the person you really were all along. Remind yourself often of the great things about you and your confidence and self esteem with grow. Put the burden of other people’s expectations down and move forward feeling light and free and enjoy being who YOU are. You’ll discover that life is a whole new adventure!

Babies become toddlers, toddlers become pre-schoolers and before you know it your baby is at school full time.  I had extra time on my hands and the cost of living increased so I looked at ways of working flexibly, using my experience and skills to earn.  The idea came to me in the middle of the night; I am good at writing CVs and helping people focus on their goals and aspirations; why not offer those skills on the market.

From small acorns of ideas, come saplings of business and I launched Spinning Careers in January 2011.  We provide a personal career service, working with clients in the way they need to get the career they deserve.  Our services include:

- skills identification

- CV production

- job application completion

- personal statement development

- cover letter writing

- interview preparation

- general career guidance

We get to know a clients’ experience, skills, weaknesses, personality, uniqueness and future aspirations.  We get to know the person the world should see; then help them show themselves to their future educator/employer.   We care about our clients’ success and enjoy celebrating with them.

I write a blog for the business at http://spinningcareers.blogspot.com and use social networking including twitter and linked-in to spread news of the business.  I know, from experience in business, that there is no better advertisement than personal references; so we provide these on the blog and ask satisfied clients to recommend us to friends, family and colleagues.

The joy of spinning careers is that it fits around family life; some days I work school hours, other days in the evenings; it is ultimately flexible for both me and my clients.  I am clear about timescales I can fulfil, I keep a very close eye on my diary and I do not overbook myself.  This is the key to family friendly working, being on top of your time.  If you are interested in joining the Spinning Careers network; providing the same high quality person focussed service to clients looking for CV and careers guidance then please contact me; I am on the look out for experienced people.

Spinning Careers is pleased to offer a 10% discount for Family Friendly Working readers; we can help spin off into the career you deserve

Monday 28th February 1pm – CLICK TO REGISTER

You’ll learn:

1. about modelling and how this will enhance your business success.
2. Top strategies to get your business to fit around your life.
3. How to understand what business skills you need and what marketing techniques will work for you.
4. Techniques you can use immediately to create a winning business mindset.

Space is limited. Reserve your Webinar seat now at:
https://www3.gotomeeting.com/register/998977638

It was these kind of questions that led to the creation of a new website and survey, http://wherethebrightwomenare.com/ Set up by two working mums in the media, the website launched earlier this year and has quickly gained momentum, leading to hundreds of women taking part in the survey and joining the group online (they tweet as brightwomenare and also have a facebook group).

The aim of the site was “to bring together all of those bright, cool women that surrounded us at uni and in our 20s, but whose lives have taken such different paths now” says Fiona, one of the founders.

Where have all of the women gone?

“Having worked in the communications industry for years, it constantly baffles us that so many women have ‘gone missing’ by the time they hit their early 40s.  We know they’re somewhere – we just don’t know where, because they aren’t, generally, sitting on the boards of FTSE100 companies, but nor are they all sitting in coffee shops living off their husbands.”  Fiona continues.

When they delved further into this, the figures were staggering. In the UK, only 3% of CEOs are women. And although many think that legislation has made it easier for bright women to have great corporate careers, it’s just not happening. In advertising, the number of women at board level has dropped from 16% 30 years ago to 13% now.

With so many conversations abounding about women in the boardroom, stay-at-home mums and how maternity rights are affecting women’s careers, they felt that often, it seems as if the only people who don’t share their opinions are the women themselves. Which is why they set up the site.

The continuing rise of the female entrepreneur

Their emerging hypothesis is that many, many bright women want to work.  It’s just that the conventions around traditional corporate environments no longer work for them – whether or not they have children.  They strongly believe that the future for many women will be in an environment they create for themselves – a business, a partnership, or volunteering – which is why they are particularly interested in understanding more about women who are taking the plunge, and doing things for themselves.

How to get involved:

If you’d like to share your thoughts on what it means to be a bright, achieving women today,  join in by taking the survey – found on the site or via this link http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/TQR22QM – and tell them you are making your lives work. The aim is to build a community so that we can share and learn from each other.

Website: http://wherethebrightwomenare.com/

Email: wherethebrightwomenare@googlemail.com

Twitter: brightwomenare

And have you ever let rip in the week before your period? Some people may call that PMT, but it can also be a useful way of addressing lurking issues and clearing the air.

You may or may not feel that your hormones change the way you work but I’d certainly recommend The Optimized Woman: Using Your Menstrual Cycle to Achieve Success and Fulfillment: If You Want to Get Ahead, Get a Cycle to help you find out more.

I spoke to Miranda Gray about her personal experiences which lead her to write this book. Miranda says, “After doing a science degree at university I did an illustration course and half way through it I set up as a freelance illustrator. It was very obvious to me, painting 24/7, that my creativity changed with the phases of my cycle. Also I found it easier to do some things towards running the business at certain times of the month than others. From discussing these experiences with other women and looking for images of women from the past to find a system to relate to, I wrote my fist book Red Moon: Understanding and Using the Gifts of the Menstrual Cycle back in 1994. It was very successful, translated into 5 languages, and I gave talks and workshops on the contents. It is about to be reprinted too.

Miranda then moved on from traditional illustration into electronic graphic design and set up a multimedia company with her husband. She explains, “Over the last 15 years I have worked for clients ranging from large international corporates to small startup businesses. A few years ago it occured to me that although I work to my strengths in my cycle that there was no knowledge of this practice in mainstream work and the menstrual cycle is still as much of a taboo in mainstream society as it was back in the early 1990s. Also, having finished a course on life-coaching and having tested a range of different success and goal achievement  methods, it became obvious to me that they were based on a consistency of experience, motivation and ability that women do not have, making it difficult for women to use them to achieve their full potential.”

This moved Miranda to develop The Optimized Woman . She says, ” The Optimized Woman is designed to show women how to recognise their Optimum Time abilities and to apply them practically to three main areas of their lives: well-being, goal-achievement and work enhancement. It answers the question ‘What use is my menstrual cycle?’ and shows it as a powerful resource when we adapt activities, expectations, motivation, and success and goal-achievement methods, in line with our changing phases.

Miranda is in her 40s and lives in Southampton, England, in a scheduled ancient monument. As well as running a multimedia business with her husband, she paints children’s book illustrations, teaches Reiki, runs women’s workshops and facilitates an online women’s course. She has a degree in Geophysics and has written a correspondence course on using crystals for well-being. Find out more about the Optimized Woman at www.optimizedwoman.com/ or buy The Optimized Woman book for £10.79 here.

 which proved to be one of the most popular articles I have written on this site. If you checked out the book, you’ll be delighted to hear about how author Aryanne Oade  got started as a life coach.

Name of Business: Oade Associates

Your Name and Age: My name is Aryanne Oade and I am 42 years old.

Tell us about yourself: I live and work from my farm just outside a small village in Yorkshire.  I keep a flock of 22 pet sheep and run my business from the farm. 

What did you do before training as a coach and how was it making the transition?

• I am a Chartered Psychologist, having become chartered in 1991. At the time I worked for a business psychology consultancy. My role involved designing and facilitating two day professional skills workshops which were held all over the country. I travelled a lot. I thought that some of the managers who attended the workshops needed the time and personalized input that one-to-one work would provide them with if they were to make the changes they needed to make. I wanted to work in depth with one person at a time, providing them with a tailored, individual process which would help them develop the skills, outlook and versatility they’d need to perform more effectively at work. I also thought working one-on-one would be less draining for me than running two day events, which did turn out to the be the case. I left to start my own coaching business in early 1994. The transition was helpful because I could focus on working with clients and building up client relationships instead of handling the politics of organizational life. It was also liberating because I wasn’t drained from running two-day workshops and travelling every week. However, I also remember feeling quite isolated. It took time to build up a network of business contacts and also find a social life away from work.

When did you launch? 4^th February 1994.

How did you get started?

I was asked to work one-to-one with an IT professional in an investment bank. She was struggling to build influence in the workplace and was seen as pushy and aggressive. I quickly found that talking about what was not working well for her – as well as what was working well – was ok but not enough. I decided to recreate the very workplace situations she was struggling to handle effectively using professional actors to take the roles of the other characters in the meetings. In the coaching meeting I’d ask my client to handle the role-play exactly as she had in real life when it went wrong for her. If there were two other people present at the real-life meeting we’d work with two actors in the coaching meeting; if there were three people at the real-life meeting, we’d work with three actors. Most often it was one other actor who recreated the dynamics of a one-on-one meeting with my client’s colleague or internal customer. After the role-play I’d carry out a thorough debrief highlighting what she did that worked well for her, what didn’t work well for her and then ask the actor for his/her input. I’d identify what behaviour my client used that – whether she realised it or not – contributed to her losing control of the meeting, appearing less credible than she could have appeared or caused her to lose influence in the meeting; as well as highlighting what behaviour was effective for her and could be repeated by her in the future. I’d coach her on what behaviour to use instead of the ineffective behaviour and we’d re-run the role-play as often as she needed to make sure that she had internalised the new approach, was comfortable with it and could return to work ready to use it in a high-profile, pressurised meeting straight away. I decided to replicate this way of working with every client from then on. I began to mix business psychology and professional acting in every coaching meeting. I’d use the business psychology to help people understand themselves better, learn about their strengths and weaknesses, learn about other people’s different styles and values systems and examine how they handled conflict, how they handled power, how they influenced people and how they lead others and how they responded to other people. Then I would run a series of tailored role-plays chosen by each client to help them refine and develop their leadership, influencing, managing, negotiating, conflict-handling and presentations toolkits.

What research did you do before launching?

I didn’t.  I was sure that many managers and leaders would benefit from one-to-one time with a coach, and that many people simply sat through a two-day professional skills workshop, enjoyed it but then returned to work and didn’t do anything differently.  I thought that these people would be able to do things differently if they could work confidentially in a one-to-one process that would equip them with the insight, strategies, skills and tactics they needed to be more effective at their roles.

How have you funded the business?

For nearly ten years I worked from my flat in London, turning my second bedroom into an office and meeting with clients at their offices for 2-3 hours at a time.  I kept my costs low.  I wrote all my own marketing material and didn’t employ any secretarial or administrative staff.  At that time my clients were in London or Europe or the US.  So I travelled to work with them at their offices.  Then I decided that I wanted to spend a whole day or more with one client at a time and that I’d like a country venue at which to work with them.  I bought my current premises in October 2002 and moved here permanently the following year.   Existing clients travel to work with me, both from abroad and from London, and I have a growing Yorkshire-based business.  Client feedback is positive.  They like travelling to a country location to work on their professional skills.  They like having dedicated time to reflect on their performance and find improvements away from their busy office environments.  It works well.

How do you promote your business? What has worked best?

My business comes mainly from repeat and referral business, and from me selling my services to new clients.  I have placed one or two advertisements but don’t think that method works well.  Choosing a coach is a personal choice and I think word of mouth references and face-to-face contact are most effective.  I am now publishing a series of books on how to gain influence, handle politics at work, handle bullying behaviour, work in adversarial relationships and handle clients effectively.   The first two of these books The first two of these books – Managing Politics at Work ISBN 978-0-230-59541-5 and Managing Workplace Bullying-ISBN 978-0-230-22808-5 are being published by Palgrave Macmillan in September and October 2009.

What has worked well about your business?

I think the fact that the work I do is tailored for each client.  I work hard upfront to provide a bespoke process that will provide each client with best value.  I also think that my clients like the role-playing aspect of their coaching programme because it equips them with effective skills and approaches to handle challenging situations.  Also, I help clients understand the links between their intra-personal world and their inter-personal behaviour. I think for many clients this self-awareness is important because it enables them to realise the range of choices they could have in any given situation, and rather than handle a stressful moment or meeting in one set way, they realise that they could handle it in a number of different ways.

What has been your biggest challenge so far? How have you dealt with it?

My biggest challenge was how to continue to promote my business after moving out of London.  After moving to Yorkshire I concentrated on marketing my business in Yorkshire and Lancashire.  I attended networking meetings, gave presentations and talks and contacted many potential clients in the area.   .

How do you fit in work with the family?

It’s a constant challenge to manage my work, life and farm commitments.  Without the help of friends I’d be really stuck.

What advice would you give to someone else wanting to work in this area?

I think that to work as a coach your primary motive needs to be vocational, to help people resolve the issues that you are equipped to help them with.  I don’t think it is enough to simply want to make money, work independently or work with people on their development.  An effective coach has to know what they can help a client with, and what they can’t help a client with and be prepared to turn away work they are not well placed to carry out.  You have to put the client’s welfare first so making your own development a priority is important.  You need to upgrade your own coaching skills and knowledge so that you can continue to offer the most professional service you can to your clients.  And I think that an effective coach needs to hire a supervisor and commit to a code of ethics to ensure that they handle their boundaries and clients commitments as safely and responsibly as they can.  I have written a book entitled Starting and Running a Coaching Business: The Complete Guide to Setting Up and Managing a Coaching Practice in which I discuss all these issues and many more (How To Books ISBN 978-1-84528-332-2 rrp £12.99)

My website link is www.oadeassociates.com
Discount for Family Friendly Working readers: £50 DISCOUNT per coaching meeting

Identify what you’re good at.

Based on the assumption that you have been out of the work place for a while, the first thing you need to do is to identify what skill and experience you have. This should include your previous work career; any relevant activities you got involved in at schools or other places such as social clubs. Maybe you have managed projects, events, school trips. Combine it with other skills such as computer skills, admin skills, finance skills. The list is probably endless but you should write it all down and structure your CV around this list.

Do not apply for the wrong jobs

You need to identify the jobs that utilise the skill and experience you have. Applying for jobs that require skill or experience that you don’t have is a waste of your time. Too many people apply for the wrong jobs and wonder why they don’t get them. All any employer wants is to find a good candidate who can do the job they are hiring for, so make sure you only apply for jobs that are relevant to your skill and experience.

The purpose of your CV is not to get you the job.

Do not write a generic CV and then send the same copy to every job you apply for. Your CV needs to be tailored for each position and company and remember this: The purpose of your CV is NOT to get you the job. It is to get you the interview. The purpose of the interview is to get you the job. If your CV is not good enough to get you the interview, you can forget about getting the job so tailor it for the interview.

Tell them what you can do for them.

The employer is not interested in you. They are interested in what you can do for them so tell them and include what benefits they get if they employ you. Will they be better off from employing you? If so tell them why and how. If not, they will not employ you.

Your CV must stand out

Your CV must stand out from the rest. Most employers only glance at CVs and if there is nothing to grab their attention, they will put it back down. Your CV is your sales brochure so make sure that when they read it, they want to meet you. Give them enough information to get their interest but don’t write your life history. Keep the information relevant to the position and the company you are applying for.

Summary

Keep your CV relevant, make sure it stands out and will make them want to meet you. The biggest question you should ask yourself when looking at your CV is this: Would you be interested in your CV if you were the employer?

Anthony Haley is a global headhunter and author of The Invisible Candidate www.theinvisiblecandidate.com  

If you’ve got a question about CVs, post it in the comments below, and Antony or I will see if we can help.

• ¨ Where will I get the money to get started?
• ¨ Who’s going to help me with advice and support?

You can get answers by joining the thousands of other people who’ve been helped by the Prince’s Trust.  For some odd reason, many people don’t know about the Trust and how it can give you that vital helping hand.

You’ll want to know whether you fit the Trust’s requirements: what does “young” mean?   If you’re aged 18-30 and unemployed then the Trust’s door is open to you. And if you’re older, then don’t despair – more below.  The Trust runs a Business Start-Up programme which aims to help young people to build a successful business.   It does this by offering small start-up loans and (occasionally) grants and by actively advising and supporting the businesses it accepts.  The money helps, of course, but it’s the advice and support that really make the difference.

Sadly, most start up businesses fail inside a year or so, for lots of reasons.  However, 75% of the businesses supported by the Prince’s Trust survive that vital first year.  This is because you get a personal mentor for two years if the Trust takes you on.  That person is experienced, knowledgeable and genuinely interested in making you succeed so is available when you need help and advice.  Mentors are often self-employed themselves, so they know all about the difficulties and how to survive them.   They aren’t paid, but the Prince’s Trust tries to match you and your mentor and both people often get a lot out of the relationship.

Here’s how it works.

• ¨ Get in touch with the Prince’s Trust through http://www.princes-trust.org.uk/need_help/business_start-up.aspx
• ¨ They’ll help you with applications, which usually involve
• o Submitting an idea – perhaps getting advice on one
• o Getting help preparing a Business Plan
• o Getting a provisional mentor who’ll help
• o Submitting your plan to a local Prince’s Trust panel
• ¨ If the panel decides to help you, it can make a low-interest loan of up to £4000 (£5000 for a partnership) or sometimes a grant of up to £1500 if it thinks you’re a special case; or sometimes a grant of up to £250 so that you can do some test marketing
• ¨ Panels try very hard to be helpful and use their experience to decide whether they think your idea has a good chance of success.
• ¨ If you become a Prince’s Trust business then you get a personal mentor for two years and lots of help with marketing, accounting, legal issues and all the things you need to know.

And if you’re 31 or older, look at http://www.princes-trust.org.uk/need_help/the_business_programme/other_start-up_support.aspx

This article is from Sandy McMillan who helps people work out what to do. You’ll find him at www.careersolutions.co.uk

Antonia

Image by D Sharon Pruitt

Complementary therapies are popular, and therapists usually are self employed, working the hours that they choose. More people are making a second career as a complementary therapist just because of the freedom and flexibility offered. It is a career which offers the chance to make a difference too, with many therapists training in a discipline that has worked well for them.

Jo Lunn offers training in Bowen Technique. She  believes that Bowen provides the perfect opportunity for people to build a new career, create a second income or simply have a fresh start and try something new. “Courses are easily affordable and provide people with an ideal opportunity to add a further skill to their CV and even start a new business”.

Sarah Worne practises as a homeopath in Hastings. She describes why she retrained, “When my children were around six and eight years old, I decided I wanted a change of direction in my work-life. Up until that point, I had worked from home as a freelance journalist. After helping out with some PR work for a new self-help cancer centre in Hastings, my eyes were opened to the amazing and fascinating world of alternative health therapies that were being used to support those patients.  My own experience of Homoeopathy generated a keen interest to learn more and become a practitioner myself.  It was an enormous step but a decision I took, which has given me so much pleasure in helping others and I hope will continue to do so for many years to come.”

Almost all complementary career courses can be studied part time, and with many there is a choice over whether you learn at weekends, evenings or during the day. Most therapists are registered with a professional body now: there are a selection below to contact if you want to find out more about qualifying. The Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council is the new national voluntary regulator for complementary healthcare practitioners in the UK www.cnhc.org.uk

• General Osteopathic Council 0 207 357 6655 www.osteopathy.org.uk
• General Chiropractic Council 020 7713 5155 www.gcc-uk.org
• The British Acupuncture Council 020 8735 0400 www.acupuncture.org.uk
• The National Institute of Medical Herbalists 01392 426022 www.nimh.org.uk