By Wendy Molyneux, The Heartfulness Coach™
Launching a service to help other “failing” Mums she wishes was available when her daughter became mentally unwell, Wendy is on a mission to save heartache for Mums of Troubled Teens.
Wendy says “My teenage daughter is diagnosed with severe anxiety and OCD. Her mental health problems floored me, it has been fractious, tearful, and exhausting, and I have often felt like a big failure as a parent, let alone as a therapist. This horrid time helped me to understand that, much as I would walk on hot coals to find the best way to support her, I actually needed to start with what I could change. ME.”
This led Wendy on a self-help journey moving away from fixing and controlling towards nurturing and listening which she terms “Heartful”. She now teaches Heartful Mindset Work and Heartful Breathing to bridge the gap between head-led parenting theory and real parenting from the heart.
Here she shares “5-4-3-2-1 Steps to Calm” to help diffuse the heat of the moment. When your super-anxious Teen or Tween (your “TT”) is hurting your head or your heart, put on your own life jacket first to stop you from both drowning.
5 Second Silence
This time-honoured tradition of quietly reflecting and calming down before engaging. Breathe deeply and slowly down from 5 to 1 before saying anything at all and try to keep your face in neutral not resting bitch!
If your TT walks away, you could “Stop/ Connect/ Text/ Reflect” – send a kind text and discuss things when everyone is calmer.
4 Double Out Breaths
Place one hand on your heart, and the other on your belly. Breathe in slowly and deeply through your nose and out through your mouth. The key is to exhale longer than you inhale which stimulates the Vagus Nerve. Whether you breathe in for 2 and out for 4, or in for 4 and out for 8, whatever breath length you’re capable of is just fine. As you exhale, let all the stress go. Repeat for 4 breaths in and out.
The power tool of gratitude is transformative and lifts your vibration, giving you more energy to deal with your TT. Think of three things, little or large, that you are grateful for in that moment, and further reinforce the positive effect by saying WHY you are grateful. Perhaps a Gratitude could be about your TT (only if you are feeling it!)
2 Hearts Connected – Positive Visualisation
What would be the number one thing that you would like to see in a connected TT relationship? Imagine it big and bold and bright as if it were happening – where would you be, what would you both be doing, what would you say, and really feel the feeling of that connection.
1 Handy Affirmation
A finger mudra means you always have an affirmation to hand. Put the tip of your thumb to the tip of your index finger when you say the first word, tip of your middle finger when you say the second word, tip of your ring finger for the third word, and tip of your pinkie for the last word. Choose one and repeat for as long as it gives you energy and focus.
I’M # THE # ADULT # HERE
I’M # A # HEARTFUL # MUM #
CALM # ASSERTION # CLEAR # CONNECTION
Wendy is excited to offer more support through The Heartful Mum Re-Set, a FREE 2 Session Mini-Course on Zoom which runs June 14th and 21st covering subjects like Your Heart Connection, Gratitude Practice, a Negativity Detox, and What am I YES for. In this Mini-Course she supports Mums of TT’s to take simple baby steps to help re-energise their relationship.
Mum support is essential after a year where mums have been left at the front line of the burgeoning Teen Mental Health epidemic. In a Netmums Survey 31% of parents said that lockdown and homeschooling had damaged their relationship with their child. Wendy says “I am totally energised by inspiring transformation, and practicing what I preach, to live a life that lights me right up. My mission is to be a voice for mums of TT’s “I don’t want any other mum to go through what I have been through and by supporting them I hope the ripple effect will be helping their TT’s too.”
Find our more:
- The Heartful Mum Re-Set – http://bit.ly/Heartful-Mum-Reset
- Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/theheartfulnesscoach
- Website – https://heartfulnesscoaching.co.uk/
Wendy is The Heartfulness Coach™, as well as an experienced Homeopath and Law of Attraction, Meditation and Mindfulness Teacher.